019. A Dream: In Which I Have Three Tinyphones.

This dream occurred Saturday night when I was sleeping over at Kirstie and Rorie’s.

It starts with Sean and me; we are at a hotel, which apparently Erika (Sean’s girlfriend) owns. Or her father owns. Something like that. It comes to my attention while we’re at that hotel, drinking in the hotel bar, that Erika’s father is evil in some way. I don’t say anything because I don’t want to upset Sean, but Sean comes up to me later on. “Can I talk to you?” he says, and we go outside. He says, “This sounds ridiculous, but … I think Erika’s dad is evil.”

“Oh, yeah,” I say. “Obviously.”

He looks completely relieved. “What do we do?”

“Let me deal with it,” I say. I, of course, don’t want to jeopardize Sean’s relationship in the event that Erika is innocent in all of this.

So through some very clever sleuthing, I discover that Erika’s father is an illegal antiquities dealer. But not just for money — he’s doing it to open a portal to the demon world, using ancient Aztec ceremonies. He has already spelled many people — including various people Sean and I both know — into being his guards to the temple. They all wear paper Aztec masks.

Somehow, from there, I go to class. Sean and Erika have disappeared. Erika, it has been decided, is completely oblivious to her father’s nefarious plots and we don’t tell her. So I’m in class — Irish lit — and I’m telling Jim Byrne that I’m not going to be in class on Monday. He is disapproving, but not before he says, “Three people in this class are pregnant.”

Jen is there. And Becca Smith is there, among many other girls in the class. We all get tested for pregnancy, but for some reason I don’t think I could possibly be a candidate. Despite that, I find out the three of us are pregnant. I get upset and go outside in the parking lot, where I throw Tiny Phone. I go to pick it up, and realise there are three Tiny Phones. I pick them all up and go inside, where there is a party. Keri is there. I say, “Keri! Look! I found three Tiny Phones.”

Keri stares at me like I’ve gone insane.

“See?” I say. One has a brownish background, one has my Don’t Panic mug, and one I realise I’ve picked up by mistake because it looks more like Sara’s phone.

“You’re crazy,” she says. “That phone is a Challah.”

And sure enough, one of the phones has, in fact, turned into a chunk of Challah. I am very confused about this and am not entirely sure how any of this occurred. Then Neil Patrick Harris comes in, and we start singing “Sweet Child O’ Mine” by Guns N’ Roses and he gets really excited that we both know it very well and we compare pictures of the Village in NYC and he tells me to come visit him.

Then I’m in the parking lot again. I have lost my ring and the parking lot is flooded. I’m freaking out, trying to find it. Sean appears again. Suddenly, we’re racing against time to stop Erika’s dad from opening up that portal to that alternate dimension. Sean has suddenly transformed into an Australian. He says, “We have to go.” And I say, “Look! There’s that guy with the really big head and the really tiny body that we always make fun of.” And I point to this guy that apparently dream-Sean and I have joked about many times, but who in real life does not exist. Sean ignores me, races off to save the world, which is now being taken over by beings from another dimension, which are animated like Futurama characters. I’m still searching for my ring, and I almost drown but then I get it.

And then I wake up.


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